It has been a hectic morning as the father is out early for
a meeting and the little but precious help that I get from him during that peak
time is unavailable today. The snack boxes and lunch boxes have been packed. I
have gulped my bowl of cereals. The girl has thrown a tantrum because I
promised I would pack a bottle of Tang and have ‘conveniently’ forgotten! The
girl has been dropped at the bus stop. The boy has been walked to school in what
I would not describe as a pleasant walk (blame the rising heat). I have pushed
myself to walk again to the gym and workout for a good 45 minutes.
I walk back home, exhausted from the extra weights I pushed
myself to lift today. I walk back home, where I know the kitchen sink will be
full of the dishes, bowls and the everyday omelet pan. The clothes have not
been folded yet. And the next load is ready to go into the washing machine. Our
new dining table will be arriving today so the old one will need to be cleared
before that. I long to read the
newspaper but it has to wait. And yes I haven’t spoken to mom in 3 days and
really want to skype. The girl needs some material for her science project that
she has announced yesterday so I know my evenings will be busy scouting, which
means I need to prepare the evening snacks and dinner during the day.
And there it rings – the phone. A friend calls to ask if I
am going for the Sports assembly in the boy’s school.
“When is it?”
“9 am. But it’s ok if you reach a little late.”
“Why did he forget to tell me?” I wonder, taking a sniff at
my sweaty t-shirt to see if I could just walk fast to school and save the
shower time.
“What is it?” I ask, and she says all those who represented
their school as part of squads will be honored with a certificate. Ok! I take a
deep breath. My recalculation algorithm goes in panic mode.
Going to school again now, means walking back and forth
another 2 km in the 40+ heat and I am so tired already.
But there I imagine my son, holding his certificate on stage
for having been part of the basketball squad while everyone, BUT HIS MOM,
claps.
But going now would mean I postpone all my chores.
So. Who cares if the kitchen sink is still full at 11?
Right?
But wait, what if the delivery guy comes at that same time.
I will need to call the store and reschedule the delivery time.
Doable still.
But he should have told me about this assembly yesterday. He
should be more responsible. He is 9 now!
Or maybe he just genuinely forgot. It happens. What if his
eyes keep searching through the audience for me?
But I AM TIRED.
And there. I decide I will not go. I ask my friend to take
some pictures and videos that I will have a look at later.
It’s 9:03 now.
I sit for my morning tea with the newspaper. I feel happy. I
am happy and looking forward to the new table. And I am so happy I pushed myself to lift those
extra weights today. And yet there it is, right there in the corner of my mind
- the weight of a Mother’s guilt- heavier than all those gym weights - a weight
that I know I will have to carry around all day today!
