Heart upon my sleeve

It started with the Sandy Hook shooting - the turmoil inside. It was like it was fine up to the mantle but the core was on fire. My mind drifted into the thoughts of those little angels, my arms hugged my children a little too often, and my heart reassured myself “Such things are not frequent.” And now with the New Delhi case it starts all over again. How many times can you calm the anger within? How many times can you tell yourself the world is still a safe place? As someone (originally hoaxed as Morgan Freeman’s words) said on FB – “An elementary school! What’s next – the maternity ward?” When someone tells me a Kindergartner saved herself by playing dead when the shooter fired, before I laud her for her instinct I wonder how she thought of that. Should I be teaching this to my little ones too? How? I can’t. If we are telling ourselves “Not just rape, what they did after that was monstrous,” have we reached a point where ‘just’ rape is ok? My mind cooks up a hundred different ...

So many have asked me “How do you manage to move so often?” that I decided I’d write it down so that I would find the answers too. Newton taught us that all physical objects resist change and as humble beings we are no different. So the first phase in any move is always the denial phase . “Thou shalt not move”, is what I rant for the first week. Thankfully I have a husband who thinks differently than what I do and that always helps in getting a new perspective.  And he has a knack of convincing me… always! The second phase is the pandemonium phase when there’s utter chaos in the brain. It’s hard when you have to move. It’s harder when you have to move across countries and continents and it’s still harder when you have to with your children. But the hardest part happens right here in our brains. Should we move? Should we not move? Should my husband move and we not move? Should we move, but later? Should I leave my job (again)? I hate that period of my life – my mind is ...

Subject: Moving from India to US for a second grader (in the middle of the year) -   History:  We moved from India to US once in 2010 when my daughter was in KG. At that time I felt kids in India had more in studies than in India so the move was smooth. Then we moved from US to India in 2011 and my daughter did her 1 st in India. Now we moved again in October this year (talk of 21 st century nomads). My view: I am comparing 5 months of 2 nd grade in India with two months of 2 nd grade in the US. I am comparing 2 nd grade in a good SSC school in Pune with the 2 nd grade in a good public school (rating 9 on GreatSchools) in LA, California. When I moved, I was again under the impression that what my children were learning in school in India was way ahead of what they would be studying in the US. That was what most other moms who had moved back and forth had told me too. But I was shocked to see it the other way round. My daughter went to second grade in a SSC...

Maybe it was a long lost friend who met me on Facebook just as I was about to leave for home. Maybe my kids had whined a little too much that morning over a dumb piece of paper with the usual “No I took it first, no I took it first” squabble. Maybe I wanted to rebel against the nagging neck pain that reminded me it was mid-life. Maybe I loved my Ipswich days a little too much - carefree days, single, phoren country, very little responsibility and pounds in the pocket. That day when I sat in my car on BMCC road, the road back home was different. I was not in my car. I was sitting in a time machine that was taking me back to 1999. I was sitting alone on the front seat of the bus on Superroute 66. The English countryside was still the same – lush green and peaceful. I got down at my stop and walked alone through the town centre lane, making a quick check to see if there was anything new at Primark. I turned on Law college road. I saw a group of friends having fun outside Mocha. I ...

The last post was when I travelled from mumbai to newark - then the kids had taken so much of my attention I had barely looked around. This times thanks to their cooperation I had a chance to experience 'Air India'. Here'a a quick review if you are planning to use it for your next travel. The good: 1. The staff is extremely helpful and kid friendly. By the time we landed at Mumbai the air hostess knew kapil and tanisha by name and was chatting with them - a personal touch very different from my Continental experience last time. 2. They have a sky buffet in the centre of the aircraft - not a big spread but sandwiches, juices and tea, coffee laid out as a small buffet. This helps when you have kids that sleep and eat at odd hours (rather when they bring food at odd hours). 3. In flight entertainment was pretty good with the latest bollywood and hollywood movies and the usual F.R.I.E.N.D.s, How I met your mother etc. The bad: 1. The dinner from newark to mumbai was...

1. On Mumbai airport Kapil had a good time rolling on the floor. 2. Kapil was pointing fingers at every Chinese-looking man, and yelling “mumma Chinese”. Very embarrassing, but thankfully no one understood his “mumma shinese” 3. Kapil wanted to pull off the carryon tags on every passenger’s bag. No ‘shinese’, American or Indian was spared. 4. Tanisha was a savior. She dutifully kept him occupied at Mumbai airport while I filled all the immigration forms. 5. Inglifht entertainment was not provided by Continental. It was provided by Kapil. Orange juice was on the floor twice, seats belts were not used at all, and the airhostess was referred to as “air hostess bai”. 6. Then there was silence and the kids slept good 8 hours straight. Thank God! And then it started again.. 7. Three inside the airline toilet was no fun…. 8. At Newark, while I stood in the immigration line, kapil ran around (again) and I was almost on the verge of a breakdown. The 10 kg backpack on my shoulders wasn’t making ...

One of my team members told me he would be on leave for a day for some personal work. I said ok. Today we got an email from him saying he is the father of a baby boy. At lunch we all discussed how we never knew his wife was expecting. And that made me think – “How god damn easy, simple and uncomplicated it is to be a father”. It just took me back in time 2 yrs when I got to know I was carrying. The first three months were crazy. I did not want anyone in the office to know about it. I would need to throw up at least thrice a day so I would go to the restroom on the third floor of my office and do the needful. Thinking of it makes me feel like puking again. By the time that phase was over, it was time to reveal it because it was showing anyways. I had to miss an amazing summit in the US where all my colleagues got a chance to go. I could have gone but there was a chance my child would have been born somewhere over Saudi Arabia, so I dropped the plan. I worked hard till the last week s...