It has been a hectic morning as the father is out early for a meeting and the little but precious help that I get from him during that peak time is unavailable today. The snack boxes and lunch boxes have been packed. I have gulped my bowl of cereals. The girl has thrown a tantrum because I promised I would pack a bottle of Tang and have ‘conveniently’ forgotten! The girl has been dropped at the bus stop. The boy has been walked to school in what I would not describe as a pleasant walk (blame the rising heat). I have pushed myself to walk again to the gym and workout for a good 45 minutes.
I walk back home, exhausted from the extra weights I pushed myself to lift today. I walk back home, where I know the kitchen sink will be full of the dishes, bowls and the everyday omelet pan. The clothes have not been folded yet. And the next load is ready to go into the washing machine. Our new dining table will be arriving today so the old one will need to be cleared before that. I long to read the newspaper but it has to wait. And yes I haven’t spoken to mom in 3 days and really want to skype. The girl needs some material for her science project that she has announced yesterday so I know my evenings will be busy scouting, which means I need to prepare the evening snacks and dinner during the day.
And there it rings – the phone. A friend calls to ask if I am going for the Sports assembly in the boy’s school.
“When is it?”
“9 am. But it’s ok if you reach a little late.”
“Why did he forget to tell me?” I wonder, taking a sniff at my sweaty t-shirt to see if I could just walk fast to school and save the shower time.
“What is it?” I ask, and she says all those who represented their school as part of squads will be honored with a certificate. Ok! I take a deep breath. My recalculation algorithm goes in panic mode.
Going to school again now, means walking back and forth another 2 km in the 40+ heat and I am so tired already.
But there I imagine my son, holding his certificate on stage for having been part of the basketball squad while everyone, BUT HIS MOM, claps.
But going now would mean I postpone all my chores.
So. Who cares if the kitchen sink is still full at 11? Right?
But wait, what if the delivery guy comes at that same time. I will need to call the store and reschedule the delivery time.
But he should have told me about this assembly yesterday. He should be more responsible. He is 9 now!
Or maybe he just genuinely forgot. It happens. What if his eyes keep searching through the audience for me?
But I AM TIRED.
And there. I decide I will not go. I ask my friend to take some pictures and videos that I will have a look at later.
It’s 9:03 now.
I sit for my morning tea with the newspaper. I feel happy. I am happy and looking forward to the new table. And I am so happy I pushed myself to lift those extra weights today. And yet there it is, right there in the corner of my mind - the weight of a Mother’s guilt- heavier than all those gym weights - a weight that I know I will have to carry around all day today!