Indian matchmaking - has nothing changed?

20 years later, the memory is still vivid. He sat on a Neelkamal chair, rocking gently on the wobbly hind legs while I worried of what would happen if he tripped and fell. I wouldn’t be able to control my laughter then, would I? His right leg was rooted firmly in a Bata slipper while his left leg was folded in a lap resting on the other. He massaged the resting left foot, plucking the cuticles around his big toe with his fingernails. I could see him peeling some off, playing with the barked skin turning it into a tiny ball, until he got bored and flicked it to the ground. I hid my disgust and tried to distract myself. The pedicure continued. He spoke with authority like he was a Vijay Deenanath Chahuan. Question followed question, and with every passing moment I felt more uncomfortable and hid deeper into my shell, like a nervous tortoise. The next day they called to say the Kundali did not match, a common excuse when the ladke-vale were convinced the skin color didn’t match (their expectation). In their defense, I would agree, this was our fault. My mother, in the bio data, had elevated my skin tone to ‘wheatish’, when in reality I was more of dark rye. What they were hoping for their dark rye son, based on my overly retouched photo was - ‘white as maida’. 

Why the sudden recount of an incidence that occurred such a long time ago? Well, when Sima (from Mumbai), nonchalantly mentions that “slim, trim and fair” girls are always in demand, I can’t help but go back in time – a short period in my past when my qualifications, skills and ambitions were reduced to zilch, outweighed by the three important parameters that mattered most – slim, trim and fair. I have nothing against arranged marriages. Many of my friends have found their soul mates through match makers and have had successful marriages then on. But they too will agree that the process to get there was (and shockingly as seen on Indian Matchmaking still is,) regressive, and though equally uncomfortable for the boy and girl, is more patronizing for the girl.

But today, shouldn’t the Tinders, Bumbles and Shaadi.coms make it easier? Looks like the answer is ‘No’. Can’t there be an overhaul in the Indian matchmaking process like there has been in the Indian Education System? ‘Indian Matchmaking’ is today the most watched series on Netflix India and it’s because it’s somewhat like F.R.I.E.N.D.S – appealing to every generation by being relatable and believable. 

In my limited experience in the subject of Indian matchmaking (I met 4 men), there was never a moment when I felt, “Oh this person is so cool. I could live with him forever”. Maybe it meant I had not met my soul mate yet through the process and if I had enough patience and tolerance, maybe I would have. Lucky for me I took the first overseas project and flew out of the battlefield. “I’ll fight those battles again when I’m back,” I thought.

‘So I was kind of your knight in shining armor then,’ he says gloating as I narrate my thoughts to my husband for 20 years, best friend for 25. “Nah nah, as Seema aunty says , ‘It’s all about adjustment, flexibility and a lot of compromise’ “, I say with a wink 😉